Coffee House: Our House (Again), York
Drink: Sainsbury's Taste the Difference Costa Rican Arabica Instant Coffee
Cake: A 'Nana
WHAT, ME WORRY? Indeed. As if.
My guess is that virtually everyone thinks that everybody else doesn't have a problem or at least nothing of the same magnitude as the one that they have. We all live in a very subjective world of course and see and feel things in our own way. There is great commonality though and we all ultimately are born, do stuff and die. I don't think the worry/stress thing is dependent upon your particular socio-economic group or locality. You can be care-free and broke and stressed out and rich. And vice-versa.
So we all go through periods when life seems to be working against us and it feels like an impossible task to juggle all of the things that need juggling (the spinning plate thing). So, what's the plan, Stan? Well, I have one, Of course. And it is/has always been - avoid putting yourself into a stressful situation in the first place
I've spent virtually all of my adult life trying to live by this maxim. But at the same time, taking whatever opportunities came along to do stuff. Otherwise it would be just a case of get born and then die. I've jumped around career-wise - walked away from 'safe' jobs, gone off traveling in the pre-internet days when the world was a very strange place, split up relationships and embraced new ones. All of these and more could have led to major stress. But they generally didn't.
The first thing I've always did/do is try to put things into perspective. What's the worst that can happen? You die, right? So? I've gone through extended periods of not particularly valuing this life and broadly take a view that I don't have a 'god-given' right to 70 years on the planet and if it ends today then I've done pretty much everything that I wanted to do anyway. Well everything that wasn't bordering on dreams. (this was equally true when I was in my twenties, Couldn't see the point of living beyond 30. As it happened life beyond thirty was pretty good but doesn't invalidate the perspective)
So, first off - it's no big deal. But there's a stage before that which is to avoid the stress in the situation in the first place, as opposed to avoiding the situation. For that I plan. I make lots of lists and review them and go over potential scenarios in my mind on a regular basis. Even down to going into Starbucks and ordering a coffee. I'll practice whilst in the queue the exact words I'll say when it gets to my turn. Odd I grant you given that it's not like I'm having to order in French or something. Anyway, it works for me. That and avoiding situations that I didn't want to be in, in the first place. One thing to be stressed because you're doing the thing you love and want to get it right. Another to be stressed out doing stuff you have no interest in. Just say No.
Which brings me to performing. In my case singing, playing the guitar but it could be whatever we do which we think is really key to who we are. Well I do a little bit of practicing/rehearsing though I'm not overly keen. I was a very bad student at school and still hate learning new stuff. Probably accounts for the large percentage of older sings in my repertoire. So I have a number of songs ready to sing and a place decided upon to sing them (I very rarely do this on the spur of the moment)
On the run up to the thing I may or may not go through the classic feelings of self-loathing when I'll convince myself that I have a terrible voice, the songs have no worth as they may have been written by someone else, everyone else plays better guitar. This usually fluctuates with - I have a fantastic voice, can sing any song brilliantly and transform it into a piece of absolute magic, and that I'm not a bad guitarist. The truth, as with most things in life, is somewhere in between. I think Abraham Lincoln said that
So then I do the gig, come off stage feeling it went brilliantly and this continues for an hour or so as long as at least one person has come up and said they liked what I did. Then a little later we're back to the beginning of the cycle. Just prior to the set I'll get a little apprehensive when I'm sitting around waiting to go on but feel like a veritable giant when I pick up the guitar and go to the mic. You have to believe at that moment that you're the best thing there is otherwise what are you doing there? It might go steadily downhill, or not, but you must force yourself to believe the unbelievable for as long as you can. If you really sat down and thought about it in a rational way, you wouldn't do it. You might as well be standing on a podium stark naked. (actually I think I could probably carry that off rather well) You need to remember all of the words and the chords/guitar playing stuff and then do that semi-automatically so that you can stand back and enjoy the performance yourself and express the feelings through the sounds you're making. Clearly an impossible task but that's what you try to do, sometimes succeeding
Yes, doing stuff that you want to do and enjoying it is the goal state. Avoiding doing the stuff you don't want to do and hating every moment of it is the other one. Oh, and give yourself enough time to do things. That's the advantage of being a guy/generally anti-social, we don't spend too much time talking to people and then finding out that we're running late...........
